I honestly didn’t see this “ah-ha” coming. Several times while eating lunch with Scott Friedman in downtown Cambodia, we were approached by children asking for money. Many were amputees and victims of leftover land mines. Some were just begging, but most were at least offering value, selling books or postcards.
Carrying only a small amount of local currency, it was difficult to choose whom to help. As soon as we offered anything, more came. My “Catholic guilt” was on overload! It was challenging not to have enough to give to all of them. Have you ever felt that way? What would you do?
A little girl wearing a grubby shirt with cute chubby cheeks walked up to our table. She asked, “Mister, would you like to buy postcards? Only a dollar, sir.”
Scott had actually been looking for some postcards, so he took a look at what she was offering. After looking through her stack, he asked, “Do you have any others?”
The little girl excitedly ran off to get more. A few moments later, she came back with another stack of postcards and quickly handed them to Scott. He shuffled through them — and, again, it wasn’t what he was looking for. “Only one dollar, sir,” she said hopefully.
Scott shook his head respectfully, and said, “No, thank you.” Though he didn’t take the postcards, he reached into his pocket and pulled out Riel (local currency), equivalent to 30 cents, and handed it to the little girl.
She got mad. She was visibly upset with Scott. “You buy postcards, one dollar!” she said forcefully.
Wow. Seriously? Any guilt that we had felt, instantly disappeared. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?
It dawned on me that this is how God and the universe must work. We ask for things and want things. When we don’t appreciate the gifts that we do get and the things we do have, why do we think we deserve more?
Besides your family and health, what gifts, blessings, income, jobs, speeches or sales do you appreciate? How do you show your appreciation?
Please post your answers below, and read other people’s answers. I’ll read them all!
Stage time,
Darren LaCroix
2001 World Champion of Public Speaking
P.S. What am I thankful for? I appreciate that I get to do what I love to do for a living. Recording artist & speaker, Jana Stanfield, challenged me this summer. Although I had always donated money, I had never donated my talents or time.
This month, I took two weeks off and went to Asia to help Scott & Jana with the fund-raising tour. Click below to get a look at Day #4 of the tour.
[pb_vidembed title=”” caption=”” url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgiVtj-1Bw” type=”yt” w=”480″ h=”385″]
P.P.S. Who is Jana Stanfield? She performs heavy MENTAL music (music that motivates & inspires). See her most recent video below.
[pb_vidembed title=”” caption=”” url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF5V2PEujqs” type=”yt” w=”480″ h=”385″]
You’re right, Darren. We don’t always appreciate what we get. Sometimes we get something we don’t expect and think our prayers haven’t been answered until we stand back and look. And sometimes we have to wait a long timef or an answer.
I appreciate that I live in a country that I can work, speak and worship without fear!
This story also happened to me.
Our bookstore donates to local cultural events and schools. It’s where we fit in best as a bookstore; it’s where we decide to donate. We get a lot of requests from all sorts of charities and events, but we choose to focus.
One day a lady came up to me and asked for a donation for a gift to a local agricultural exhibition. I said “Sure, what do you have in mind?” “A cash donation is fine”, she replied. We had donated to this group for this annual exhibition for the past five years, so I felt comfortable to donate.
I wrote out what I considered a sizeable cheque, more than we had issued previously. She looked at this gift and expressed disdain. “Is this all? The [big box store] down the road gave us $300.00.”
I truly felt hurt. This was a gift after all. I told her our small bookstore should not be compared with anyone else and that we could not afford more because there were so many other events and schools who also asked for our help. They no longer asked for donations from us.
How would you have reacted?
Darren,
While all of us have stories that show the hurt and disbelief of gifts we have given only to be rejected, I feel that this time of year especially is about our Thanks for all we have. A family you put as okay you have it, but for me having been raised in foster homes since 5 and finally an orphanage at 13, I can appreciate having a loving husband and daughter. I don’t taken those things for granted as so many others do. I work as a Certified Nurse Assistant and see so many children who don’t honor or respect their parents and take from them all they can without giving anything in return. I believe it is the smallest of things we should really be thankful for. Like a hot meal, a warm and cozy bed, shoes on our feet and clothes on our back. The ability to give to others without wanting anything in return. This kind of behavior should be year round not just at the holidays. So the thing that I am most thankful for this year is the ability to celebrate life and all its wonderful richness and joys everyday.
With no exaggeration, Darren, I am thankful for every single day – whatever it throws at me. About 8 years ago, I was very ill – and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. When I was getting dressed to go home, a nurse said to me “Dawna – when you came in 3 weeks ago, we didn’t think you would be going home.” Wow. I have come to realize that a bad day – with all its challenges and tests – is better than no day.
I am also truly thankful for other things in my life – my family, my friends, I have a great job working with wonderful people, my health (which isn’t great – but is better than it was, and better than what a lot of other people have to deal with) … the list goes on and on. The best way that I know how to show that appreciation is to do my best at things, keep a positive attitude – and to make sure I say to people “Thank you”. Those two words go a long way.
I would also add the same items that Carolyn mentioned – living in a country where I enjoy the freedoms of speech, worship and oh so many other things. I am also thankful that I live in the same community as Carolyn, and she and I have become friends.
What a great life I have. Thank you, Darren, for another opportunity to realize how blessed I am.
Hello Darren,
Thanks for the story. I do agree that most of the times we do not see the blessings in our lives and we realize them when these are gone. But I see the story of that little girl from a different angle. When most of the people are used to begging in there as you have mentioned; to that little girl taking something from you without selling anything would turn herself a beggar. She wanted to sell you something and get the money for that. I know Scott was really trying to help her, to her it might have seemed like he was showing pity on her. That is why she might have reacted that way.
I know it might seem unlogical to some people, but I have seen these and heard the reason for such type of reactions from few people. It was as if to hurt their little self respect that they had.
Have a happy thanksgiving and it is a true blessing to be alive and live healthy and happy.
You are welcome…Thank you all! Good stuff.
Edward, that is exactly how we felt. The amount doesn’t matter.
I got an interesting email. Someone thought that it was bad Karma to not give the girl $1. Scott is an amazing giver and made the whole trip come to being. The email that said the article was taken as making the little girl a victim. Victim? Really. I thought I saw in her a part of myself. It was a reminder to me to be thankful for every little gift I get. Every small order that comes into my shopping cart.
Another reminder, each reader has their own perspective.
It’s all good!
Stage time,
Darren
Darren,
Your messages have been greatly appreciated and read several time by me each time when I receive it. I am sure they change lives slowly and gradually. I am grateful for that and grateful for you and your wonderful generous sharing. Happy Thanksgiving!
Noelle
I agree with Noel. The other responses demonstrate many people think that the act of giving is actually about themselves. Like everyone else I wasn’t there but I interpreted the story as this little girl having immense pride in what she was doing. She was probably supporting her family by acts of commerce, not begging. She possibly gained immense pride by this, and here were you two guys, Americans who earn more in a day than this girl will in her life, offering her thirty cents out of pity. She did not want your pity, she wanted to only accept your money if you bought something from her. And don’t forget, you make your livelihood from using English words, she does too, except her native language was Cambodian and she has learnt a handful of English words at her tender age. Try doing a humorous speech in Cambodian!
This should be an immense lesson for many people. While America celebrates Thanksgiving, please remember “It’s not only about me and how I feel, it’s about others and how I make THEM feel!”
Darren,
I believe that lack of appreciation is the source of most of our problems. When we lack appreciation we become envious, greedy and unhappy. By now I have enough experience to know that we should have appreciation when we don’t get what we want. But we usually get what we need.
Early in my career, I was scolded by an executive for my arrogant behavior. This was definitely not what I wanted, but it was what I needed. Looking back after a few years I realized that this scolding was worth more than any lecture in college.
I always appreciate that you contributed so much to Toastmasters and was always looking for feedback.
I’m very grateful to be given this unending Gift of simply seeing the Positive. Replacing the Jewish, Wailing Wall Consciousness has taken half a lifetime!
I was inspired to join and write ’cause of you, Darren. ( I’ve never blogged, until now) YOu are a Gift.
You are a good human, out there — Loving, Giving yourself to support, help, keep us laughing both at ourselves and “what’s coming down” .
Hours before I read your Email. I took some time and finally sent some Donations, Thinking,”Propitiious timing, it’s Thanks & Giving, today. But so is E V E R Y D A Y.
Thanks to you all for the reminders.
Warm Thanks, and continued Giving ( and to ourselves too,; kindliness and Gratefuleness for our own
efforts–and laughing replacing self judgmentaleness)
Continued Wellness–Regina
I
Hi Darren,
The actions in your story are repeated every day in every country.
I can understand the frustration if that child, maybe that $1.00 would have meant she had a meal
that day.
My family go to Uganda on mission trips and they have haad to harden their hearts to the street children. they can tell some harrowing stories about the situations most of these street children are in. One story they have told :
One of the group gave a young begging child all his loose change, in a flash the child was robbed by an older boy, this boy tripped the cild and he fell under the wheels of a car!
What a lesson that was, all the people in that group were so horrified it took them quite a few days before they could bring themselves to go out again.
The world, which is us must, instead of making a lot of hot air about what they do, get in and
actually Do something practical.
Me, Me, Me, greed, greed, greed, waste, waste, waste. The peoples of the world need to rethink their priorities.
Instead of encouraging these underprivleged people to remain within their own cultures, we are encouraging them to “BE LIKE US”
Could go on for hours, but I will close with a great big thank you to everyone who recongnises and does something to make us all “equal.”
Here’s another perspective that may be at work here. Perhaps for the little girl, it was a matter of self esteem. Not wanting charity, she wanted to work for what she had. I imagine in that culture, it is more in place than it is here in the US.
Sorry, didn’t see Neel’s comment before posting.
I can easily find 9-12 things to be grateful for every day, if I include such simple “blessings” as being safe, being healthy, the company of my two cats, a beautiful sunset & some good food. Of course, some days, we have greater blessings. But most of the time, the simple things are quite enough & can keep you happy.
Being so young the Post Card girl showed increadible courage and determination. Imagine such a litte one standing up to tall smick looking male foriengers!! I think this child has the makings of a great business woman, she follows the mantra of work for a living not take charity. Soon she will learn to decline an offer graciously and have posture with manners.
I am grateful everyday for living in Australia, my baby girl grew up safe,educated, has a wonderful fiance and an excellent career. So will my grandaughters.
Lots of comments, I love it! Thanks!
I’ve been getting more e-mails as well. There is always more to the story, and different perspectives. None of them wrong. I wish you were all there to see what I saw. I’m by no means making this little girl the villain.
In fact, I saw in her, a side of me that pops up once and a while. What struck me was the change of feeling I had as the giver. Her reaction was not just unappreciative, she was outright mad at us.
Thank you all for reading. Glad I can bring value and make you think.
Happy Holidays,
Darren
PS Scott is an amazing guy, and the whole reason this fundraising tour happened. He gave two weeks, donated himself and spent months planning it all. Just to do the right thing. He deserves the Cavett award, in my opinion. He has also done more for the Global Speakers than just about anyone.