Stage Time: Your Big Decision

Life is usually a compilation of a series of small decisions, but once in a while a big decision must be made. Because it is big, we procrastinate and avoid making that choice. It may be a decision that will change the course of your life while enhancing who you are. What is that big decision you are facing right now?
Years ago, while still living in Oklahoma, I was faced with a life decision that was heavy on my heart. After the breakup of a long-term relationship I was reevaluating my life. I was not sure where I wanted to move. I loved the people in Oklahoma, but knew I needed to make a change. I traveled often, and it was always a challenge to find flights to and from Tulsa and get where I needed to go. I heard many times, “Sorry, sir, there are no more flights to Tulsa today.” This meant I was stuck in another city that night. It seemed that there were no direct flights anywhere, so I always had to connect in another city.
Almost a year had passed and I was no closer to a decision, but enough was enough. Desperate for some path to follow, I sought out a mentor, Jim Stovall. He was kind, brilliant, and I knew he had my best interests at heart.
I remember going to his house needing guidance and being completely open. He listened to me ramble on about tangents for quite a while. Then he asked me what I wanted and what part of my career I loved the most?
I responded, “Well, my mom, dad, sister, and nephews live in New England, so I feel like I should move back there, but I just hate the cold weather and mosquitoes.” I knew my Catholic guilt was playing a role in what I felt I was supposed to do. Though I liked the four seasons, I just could not stand being cold, shoveling snow, and scraping my windshield.
Jim asked again, “Darren, what do you want?” I replied, “Well, my brother lives in Ft. Lauderdale and I love him, but we are not really close.” I was saying what I felt but obviously not actually answering Jim’s question.
Jim tried one more time, “Darren, what do you want? What do you love doing? What is the lifestyle you would like?” Wow, it finally hit me. He persisted though my belief of sacrifice and feelings and got me to take a look at the parts of my career that made my happy and those that frustrated me. The great part of the speaking business is that there are many different business models. You can build yours in a way that works for you.
I finally started getting what he was asking. I said, “I don’t like traveling constantly as a road warrior.” I thought deeper and then continued, “I really want to do what I love and still sleep in my own bed more often.”
Jim’s face lit up. He saw that I was finally breaking through. He let me continue. I said, “I love teaching my two-day boot camps because I believe I can help people more than I ever can when they just hear me give a one-hour talk.” I started to have clarity about the part of my business that got me the most excited: first, being on stage and, second, doing my training events. Part of my goal was to be such a good teacher that people would come to me.
Jim said, “If you want to sleep in your own bed more often and still be a speaker, it might make sense to live in a convention city.” Bam! It was like a slap in the face with the obvious. First, a convention city would allow me to tap into the local convention market, and, second, convention cities are set up to make it easier for travelers. So simple, but sometimes we need trusted mentors to point it out. Not because they are necessarily smarter, but because we will be more open to what they say if you are stubborn like me.
Now, which convention city? Well, I quickly eliminated the ones with cold winters. When I looked deeper at what works for me and my lifestyle, I knew I did not like the humidity of Orlando or the traffic of LA. What’s left? What is the biggest one left? Las Vegas. I sat back and thought, “Hmmm, me living in Las Vegas?” This seemed very strange. I would never have dreamed of that. I’m not a drinker, partier, or gambler, so the vices of Las Vegas would not be tempting to me at all. The super bonus is my other pet peeve: mosquitoes. With very little water in the desert, there are hardly any bugs.
I love the size of Las Vegas, too. I’m not a big city guy. Las Vegas is actually a small city with a big attraction, the strip. I’m so glad I made the decision, and I remind myself of that as I get to sleep in my own bed and then drive to live events rather than fly.
That’s the big story behind where I live and why. It has been eight years now, and I love it. I love teaching people and helping them transform over just a couple of days. Hearing the success stories of some of my students makes me feel alive. I get excited for them.
Thank you, Jim Stovall. When you are facing your big decision, who is your Jim? Who is that trusted advisor you can sit down with and be open to? Don’t talk to too many people, or you will be right back where you started. Unclear. So, my final question for you, when will you set a time to sit down and have that open discussion? I’m delighted I did.
Please share your thoughts below!
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