Life is usually a compilation of a series of small decisions, but once in a while a big decision must be made. Because it is big, we procrastinate and avoid making that choice. It may be a decision that will change the course of your life while enhancing who you are. What is that big decision you are facing right now?
Years ago, while still living in Oklahoma, I was faced with a life decision that was heavy on my heart. After the breakup of a long-term relationship I was reevaluating my life. I was not sure where I wanted to move. I loved the people in Oklahoma, but knew I needed to make a change. I traveled often, and it was always a challenge to find flights to and from Tulsa and get where I needed to go. I heard many times, “Sorry, sir, there are no more flights to Tulsa today.” This meant I was stuck in another city that night. It seemed that there were no direct flights anywhere, so I always had to connect in another city.
Almost a year had passed and I was no closer to a decision, but enough was enough. Desperate for some path to follow, I sought out a mentor, Jim Stovall. He was kind, brilliant, and I knew he had my best interests at heart.
I remember going to his house needing guidance and being completely open. He listened to me ramble on about tangents for quite a while. Then he asked me what I wanted and what part of my career I loved the most?
I responded, “Well, my mom, dad, sister, and nephews live in New England, so I feel like I should move back there, but I just hate the cold weather and mosquitoes.” I knew my Catholic guilt was playing a role in what I felt I was supposed to do. Though I liked the four seasons, I just could not stand being cold, shoveling snow, and scraping my windshield.
Jim asked again, “Darren, what do you want?” I replied, “Well, my brother lives in Ft. Lauderdale and I love him, but we are not really close.” I was saying what I felt but obviously not actually answering Jim’s question.
Jim tried one more time, “Darren, what do you want? What do you love doing? What is the lifestyle you would like?” Wow, it finally hit me. He persisted though my belief of sacrifice and feelings and got me to take a look at the parts of my career that made my happy and those that frustrated me. The great part of the speaking business is that there are many different business models. You can build yours in a way that works for you.
I finally started getting what he was asking. I said, “I don’t like traveling constantly as a road warrior.” I thought deeper and then continued, “I really want to do what I love and still sleep in my own bed more often.”
Jim’s face lit up. He saw that I was finally breaking through. He let me continue. I said, “I love teaching my two-day boot camps because I believe I can help people more than I ever can when they just hear me give a one-hour talk.” I started to have clarity about the part of my business that got me the most excited: first, being on stage and, second, doing my training events. Part of my goal was to be such a good teacher that people would come to me.
Jim said, “If you want to sleep in your own bed more often and still be a speaker, it might make sense to live in a convention city.” Bam! It was like a slap in the face with the obvious. First, a convention city would allow me to tap into the local convention market, and, second, convention cities are set up to make it easier for travelers. So simple, but sometimes we need trusted mentors to point it out. Not because they are necessarily smarter, but because we will be more open to what they say if you are stubborn like me.
Now, which convention city? Well, I quickly eliminated the ones with cold winters. When I looked deeper at what works for me and my lifestyle, I knew I did not like the humidity of Orlando or the traffic of LA. What’s left? What is the biggest one left? Las Vegas. I sat back and thought, “Hmmm, me living in Las Vegas?” This seemed very strange. I would never have dreamed of that. I’m not a drinker, partier, or gambler, so the vices of Las Vegas would not be tempting to me at all. The super bonus is my other pet peeve: mosquitoes. With very little water in the desert, there are hardly any bugs.
I love the size of Las Vegas, too. I’m not a big city guy. Las Vegas is actually a small city with a big attraction, the strip. I’m so glad I made the decision, and I remind myself of that as I get to sleep in my own bed and then drive to live events rather than fly.
That’s the big story behind where I live and why. It has been eight years now, and I love it. I love teaching people and helping them transform over just a couple of days. Hearing the success stories of some of my students makes me feel alive. I get excited for them.
Thank you, Jim Stovall. When you are facing your big decision, who is your Jim? Who is that trusted advisor you can sit down with and be open to? Don’t talk to too many people, or you will be right back where you started. Unclear. So, my final question for you, when will you set a time to sit down and have that open discussion? I’m delighted I did.
Please share your thoughts below!
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Fantabulous, I love reading your blogs. I will definitely carry your stories or snapshots wherever and whenever I address an audience, especially to share knowledge or help people out. Very inspiring. Jim Stovall, a great person – no doubt he will inspire everyone – his book the Ultimate Gift is the one I can never ever forget and believe it or not, I spread this word of Ultimate gift everywhere. Keep on inspiring Darren.
Love this Darren! FINALLY; My BIG decision has been in the making for 25 years and I am doing it. I have let go of the SHAME and started a NO MORE Shame Campaign.com (Please like my page on FB 😉 More to come.
My position statement: “I Encourage Survivors of abuse to Get Help – Get Healed – Get Happy! You Deserve to live the life that You want!” I have been speaking at various events on suicide prevention, sharing my story of triumph. There are over 42 million survivors of abuse in the United States Alone. I am tired of being ashamed of crimes committed against me, and so are millions of other survivors. Many are afraid to speak out, for fear of being judge. Sharing my story has helped many get the help they need and want. So grateful for that!
We were once afraid to talk about Cancer, then Aids…It is time to release the stigma of child sexual abuse….It is not our fault! I am a Proud Empowered Thriving Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse who is determined to make a difference for other survivors. Hey if I can share my story on “Oprah” It’s time to go all in!
Thanks for being my Speaking Coach and helping me find my voice, you have always encouraged me.
Thanks to your products on how to: I am working on Keynote, and my new CD coming soon! CD and MP3 “The Principals of Potential” Unleash your Potential and gain UN-stoppable Courage!
Thanks for letting me share here Darren, you will always have a special place in my heart! My Big decision….IS DONE and DOING IT! Woo Hoo
Love and Best to you always! Rena
Thanks for this post Darren, I have often wondered why all of your events were in Vegas and what made you live there, thanks for answering my questions!! Makes sense now.
And by the way, love the photo of you in front of the Vegas sign!! Excellent promo shot.
Linda Bradley
Darren this was a very thoughtful post. The fact that you are willing to truly reveal yourself to your readers as you impart the lessons learned from your experience is a key factor in your success as a speaker and trainer. What I like best about this post is “The great part of the speaking business is that there are many different business models. You can build yours in a way that works for you.” It’s a simple idea but so important to those of us doing the hard work of looking inward and creating a viable business that is also personally meaningful. It’s easy to get caught up in following someone else’s business model because it works for them, but doing so will neither guarantee your own success nor, more importantly, fulfill you. Having the courage to step out and build something all your own is like writing a contest speech that is authentically you, and then having the courage to roll it out to the world and see what happens. You are a good example of having done both, in 2001 with what is considered by many as the best Championship Speech of all time at the WCPS and with your own business. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself to those of us who admire what you do, and use that as inspiration to follow our own path.
Darren…You have always been an inspiration to me! Please add me to your email list…I’d love to come to one of your programs 🙂 Thank you! Michele
Great post.
It’s often VERY difficult to clarify our goals to the point of action.
Guilt, shame, and indecisiveness can wrap their tentacles around us.
Darren,
Love the insight on your stubbornness and your determination to grow at a slight ten degree shift from comedian into the great work your providing today.
Everyone should have a ‘Jim’. Throughout the years it has been different people for me, however it’s only been recently that I have the courage to use my stubbornness to my advantage to actually ask for coaching advise from breathing people. (Mine were of the hardback and audio variety).
Love the inspiration. Keep up the good work. Hope to make a boot camp soon.