Ever do something really silly, that at the time seemed to make sense? Going back to speak this past weekend to N.S.A. New England was enlightening. I felt like the prodigal son. Seeing mentors and colleagues from the mid 90’s was refreshing. They made me feel welcome. In New England that includes a good hearted teasing as well. It really felt good to give back to those I had learned from. To show them from my experience what I’m doing with my business now that works.
Many of them reminded me, with a smile on their face, just how bad I was at the beginning of my career. Looking back, I know they were right and I’m glad I didn’t know how bad I was or I probably would not have stuck with it. I guess being clueless has its advantages. Most did encourage me back then, but one woman stands out the most, Rosita Perez.
I can still hear her today when a client would ask her to come and speak, but to not sing and not bring her guitar. She would politely reply, “If you don’t want me to bring my guitar, you won’t want me.” She was clear on who she was and had complete integrity.
Though Rosita was not a chapter member, she brought me such hope and belief in myself. She made me feel so good about myself. In fact her spirit made you feel so comfortable that you could say just about anything to her. I remember calling her on the phone just after I had bombed. I just blurted out, “Rosita, I don’t know what happened I did everything right, I even was wearing my lucky underwear.”
Yes, an odd statement it seems at first but look a bit closer. Even professional sports players have their routines they perform before each game. Does it matter? Does it make a difference? As the famous Henry Ford quote says, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right.” If we believe our superstitious rituals matter, they do.
My previous three presentations had gone very well. I was wearing my “lucky” underwear, so being a bit superstitious at the time I created the belief it was the underwear. Ever create a belief like that?
I don’t remember exactly what Rosita said to me, but I remember how she made me feel. She made it OK that I bombed. She reminded me, even the best bomb sometimes. At the time, I had so much to learn as a speaker but I didn’t know, what I didn’t know. I had no idea how much I could do to get better. I thought I was good enough.
I’m more of a student of speaking now, than I was in the 90’s. I’m willing to bet that at that time three speeches went well because I was in front of the right audience with the right message and most importantly the right intention. I’m willing to admit that the one I bombed at could have easily been the wrong audience (for me) or the wrong intention. Most likely it was a combination of both. A dose of humility, when we get overly confident for the wrong reasons, is crucial to your ultimate success.
I’ve still fallen on my face many times since then, but I continue to make progress. I hope you do too. I’ve retired my “lucky” underwear and know that every audience is different. I’ll have a unique connection with each audience. I’m not the best speaker for every audience. Neither are you. Some will be better than others. Some will take away a deeper message from you than others. I do know this, when your intention is right everything is better.
I’m honestly not exactly clear on the message for you from this article. I felt the need to write it. I’m hoping that opening up completely will somehow help you in your life’s journey. I’d love to hear what this article meant to you or what message you got from it. I read all posts on my blog. Please let me know.
Please share your comments here on my blog!
Stage time,
Darren LaCroix
2001 World Championship of Public Speaking
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P.S. Holidays got you STRESSED? Watch a funny video on YouTube! Here’s one of mine… Funniest Toastmaster Speech.
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Wow! Rosita Perez!
At the NSA convention in Philadelphia in 1998 I had the privilege to sit next to Rosita Perez at lunch. If there were a Wikipedia entry for warm, caring person then Rosita’s picture would be right there. This was before I became a full-time in house trainer in my organization. I was just starting out. Rosita was so kind and gave me great advice and counsel. It was one of the highlights of the convention for me…and it was just lunch! Rosita is missed.
I can relate to this. Several years ago I sang in a church service and I thought I did a terrible job. but a few years later I met a girl I had known in high school and she asked me if I remembered singing in a little church in West Frankfort IL and I said yes, why? She told me her mother came to Christ that night because of the song I sang, I learned a valuable lesson that day. You may think you did terrible or messed up, but if you have the passion for what you do your message will come through to those that need it. and practice, practice, practice! I also learned that if you respect your audience you will PRACTICE!!! Thanks for all you do to inspire us. God Bless you
Darren – You have so much knowledge and experience to share and I thank you! I am my worst critic! Many times after a presentation I have inflicted mental abuse on myself for something I left out or should have said. It is a cause for more practice and more learning! In my most popular program, I tell the story of the Star Spangled Banner and sing all four verses. However, after each program I talk to people who were touched by the program or learned something new. My focus now is on helping that to occur with the audience instead. Thank you for all your encouragement and I look forward to more STAGE TIME!
A part of your article sounded like it fell out of my mouth, “I had so much to learn as a speaker but I didn’t know, what I didn’t know.” Good enough for me was getting up in front of a group and not throwing up or passing out. If words came out of my mouth that was a bonus. It used to be all about me, now it’s all about the audience. What a difference it makes when the focus shifts, when a speech comes from the heart and not the head. Thanks for being openly honest and letting us know the path to better speaking has boulders and pitfalls, but the trip is worth the effort!
YES, Darren! My story was alike to yours, and I’m still forever green eventhough I’m only a member for a little more than one year. I did my speech for the Humorous Speech Contest, and I wore my “lucky red tie”. Unfortunately it bombed big time. I didn’t know what to do, and for more than two weeks, I was always thinking what I had done wrong, so it really pulled down my confidence. But I’m picking up the pace again, and I ditched my Speaking to Inform manual and take on The Entertaining Speaker manual instead.
Hopefully the coming International Speech Contest will turn the tides for me. 😀
Thanks for sharing Darren. It helps me push forward!
And so great to have coaches and supporters and they do know…and they can see what we often can’t.
Cheers and thanks!
Deanna
Your Lucky Underwear put a sssmile on my face, on a gloomy day
I just had one of the most miserable speaking experiences in Toastmasters. I joined a new club and gave an evaluation to a very talented speaker who is a DTM. I really didn’t understand his speech. The level of discomfort was like giving an evaluation naked for a speech in a foreign language. I wish I could have run out of the room but there was no escape. To make matters worse, when I gave the speaker back his manual and apologized for my evaluation (which I know I am not supposed to do), he gave me a disgusted look and didn’t say anything to me. I didn’t even want to go back to the club after I left that day and I just joined it two weeks ago.
I enjoy your articles. This one in particular resonated with me because it reminds me everyone has an off day and I can’t let it control my life. I must continue on my path of learning and continuous improvement. My power belongs with me and no one else.
I love this!! Thanks for sharing. I use to not eat before I spoke because I have butterflies in my stomach. I was afraid if I ate I would puke all over. Now I eat and don’t worry I put it in God’s hands. I say a prayer to let me speak and to get my message heard. Funny when you think you didn’t and forget stuff you are the only one who knows. The feedback was good. I just have to remember what you and Mark said about speaking from the heart. We are learning and sponging. I have found my mentors and coaches for life. God sent you as a gift. I am very grateful for this gift. I thank him every day!! Thanks for the pushing forward, inspiration and learning.
You’re speaking of rituals taking place in the sports world. I love it!
One of my most memorable and amusing sports rituals is from the scene in “Bull Durham” where Susan Sarandon (Annie Savoy) has persuaded her BF, the team’s pitcher, Tim Robbins (Ebby Calvin Laloosh) to wear garters under his uniform during the games.
She told him that it would keep his concentration focused on the game and ensure that he would breathe out of his eyelids like the Aztec lizards do.
Kevin Costner, (Crash Davis) discovers Ebby trying on the black garters in the back of the locker room. Seeing that Ebby has incorrectly put his garter on sideways, he reaches out and slightly adjusts it, saying, “The rose goes in the front, big guy!”
Annie storms into Crash’s home, yelling at him.
Annie: “You’re messing with my private life!”
Crash: “I never told him to stay out of your bed.:
Annie: “You most certainly did.”
Crash: “I never told him to stay out of your bed.”
Annie: “Yes you did.”
Crash: “I told him that a player on a streak, has to respect the streak.”
Annie: “Oh fine.”
Crash: “And do you know why? Because they don’t happen very often.”
Annie: “Right.”
Crash: “If you believe you’re playing well because you’re getting laid, or because you’re not getting laid, or because you’re wearing women’s underwear, then YOU ARE! And you should know that.”
Long pause
Crash: “Come on Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on dazzle me.”
Annie: “I want you.”
Annie: “This is the damnedest season I’ve ever seen. The Durham Bulls can’t lose and I can’t get laid!”
Ebby and the team are enjoying an unprecedented winning streak and Ebby has been convinced by Crash that sleeping with Annie would jeopardize his streak if he sleeps with Annie.
Crash is confronted by Annie, who has reason to believe that Crash has convinced Ebby not to sleep with her. Annie storms into Crash’s home, accusing him of messing with her private life.