As I drove with my new friend, Shashank, to the Chennai, India, airport, I asked him about his speaking topics. He surprised me when he said, “I teach people to quit.”
What? In the motivational world, we’ve heard so much about never quitting and not listening to naysayers. But teaching people to quit? He had my attention.
Once he explained, it made sense and inspired me to write this article. If I asked you, “What’s your big dream?” — what would you say?
Years ago, when I heard the Brian Tracy quote, “What would you dare to dream, if you knew you wouldn’t fail?” my instant thought was, “I’d be a comedian! Making people laugh and earning a living at it — that would be the ultimate!”
Fabulous Artwork by Andy Dooley www.AndyDooley.com
That was in 1992. Today, I feel like I’m living my dream. If you look at my initial goal, however, I literally failed. My dream at that time was to become a comedy club headliner with my own HBO special. Thank God I initially pursed that dream, and thank God I quit chasing it! I had to quit that pursuit to gain the life I have now.
Look closely at my initial thought: “Become a comedian and earn a living at it.” Though I did eventually get paid as a comedian, it wasn’t much and I never came even close to earning a living at it. So, in that respect, we might say I’m a failure. I did, however, pursue it relentlessly. Thank God! Through that effort and following the direction of mentors, I discovered public speaking. Eventually, I realized I loved inspiring people even more than making them laugh.
I still have great friends in the world of comedians — good people and some of the hardest workers I know. When I first met speakers at Toastmasters and in the National Speakers Association (NSA), I thought they were all on drugs: “No one can be that happy and optimistic without medication!” While I was confused at the time, it’s clear now why I had those thoughts.
Comedy took its toll on me — like many, I found a nightclub environment to be negative and caustic. Spending five nights a week in comedy clubs drained me. By contrast, when I met speakers, they inspired me. After the opening session of my first NSA Convention, I walked to the pool to gather my thoughts. I actually broke down and cried. I felt like I had finally found my home. If you know the classic TV program Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, it was like finding the Island of Misfit Toys. The people there were not any better than comedians, they were just more like me. I could relate to them.
When I started in the speaking world, I realized that I had the best foundation any new speaker could have. I had lots of stage time in one of the most difficult environments on the planet. I wouldn’t change my path for anything in this world. Because I had relentlessly pursued one dream, I was in a much better place to start pursuing my new one.
In order to pursue this better dream for me, I had to let go of the old one. I’d love to tell you it was instant and clear, but it wasn’t. Though I had clarity that speaking was where I belonged, I tried to do both for several years. When I finally quit the dream of becoming a headliner comedian with my own HBO special, my speaking started to flourish. Life is short and there’s only so much time in the day. I wish I’d quit sooner. It’s hard to imagine where my career would be now and how much faster I could have been a speaking full-time if I’d utilized the power of focus.
I’m glad I quit when I did. Even though it would be scary, do you think you might be glad a couple years from now if you made a courageous change right now?
To clarify, here’s what I’m saying: Pursue your dream relentlessly enough to make daily progress, even if it’s only 17 minutes a day. If you aren’t making progress, please quit your dream. Find one that gets you excited enough that you will make progress.
If I asked you, “What did you do today to make progress towards your dream?” What would you reply? I know that you’re busy (name someone who isn’t.) If you can’t carve out a few minutes a day, at least five days a week, you just aren’t serious. As you may know, I have a ‘man crush’ on Rudy Ruettiger. In my office, I have a movie poster from Rudy. He signed it,
“To Darren, A Doer, A Believer,
A True Champion.”
I’ve can’t recall a mentor ever being impressed with anything I said, only by what I did. The doer part is what makes people a champion, not the trophy. There are many people who ‘do’ and make a difference and never get their trophy. I’m not sure of anyone who ethically got a trophy or achieved a dream without doing. Actually ‘doing’ leads you to experiences that teach you more than any book.
Doing without direction, however, will lead quickly to frustration. There will be enough of that along your journey as it is. If you want to know the right things to do, the best starting point is direction from a credible source in a book or at a seminar. Judy Carter’s book, Stand-up Comedy: the Book, gave me direction for my first dream. Syd Field’s The Screenwriter’s Workbook is giving me direction now on my dream of writing a screenplay.
Many people will tell you to quit. Yes, it’s scary to tell your dream to others. So be careful whom you tell. Make sure you’re quitting for the right reason. Quit to make room in your life for the dream that excites you – that really matters to you. The challenge is usually our own doubt or disbelief in our ability to achieve it.
How do you increase your belief? Great question. Progress and knowledge fuel belief. Stagnation breeds doubt. Martin Luther King, Jr. said:
“Take your first step in faith.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase,
just take the first step.”
Quit, or take a step. If you want to be a better parent, what will you do today? If you want to be a master storyteller, what will you do today? If you want to be a professional speaker, what will you do today? If you quit, at least you made space for thoughts and ideas that may lead you to a bigger, better dream for you. If you want to build your belief, be brave and take a step today.
Thanks to Shashank for inspiring this article. My HBO special may still come, but I promise you, it will not look anything like my initial dream. My dream now is to inspire millions to move towards their dreams. What can you do to help me? Pass this article on to friends or post it if you like it.
What did I do today? I wrote this article for you.
Will you quit or take a step? Please post your decision in the comments area below!
Aloha e Darren:
Meeting you at the noon seminar you shared at the Cleveland Clinic last year began the spark. When Maureen was competing locally and eventually to the big stage at International I was a big fan but had not concieved this as a goal for me. What you shared that day and since thru your daily inspriations got me to thinking about making that a dream come true. I attended the last couple International conferences which began to fan the flame of that spark. We had Ryan Avery & his lovely wife at our spring conference where I received my DTM where I felt that flame starting to grow. I contacted Maureen to seek her guidance since she’s been there. I hope to do the same with you. I’m really excited and have started my first notebook of ideas for that “one” story that will not only make them laugh but take action to follow their dreams too. Mahalo nui/thanks alot for giving me this opportunity to make my commitment known to you – talk story soon – much aloha!!
Dareen you have inspired me.
Thanks !!
Hey, now…..that’s not quitting. That’s choosing one path over another. Still on the journey, still moving forward, still unafraid, flexible enough to envision a different fabulous future. Quitting implies stopping, and I for one don’t plan to do that anytime soon! No……for me, switching paths is not a quit. It’s simply momentum in a new direction.
“Lots of thanks – your last blog was honest & self warming & kinda inspiring i guess!”
Hi & Good day Mr Darren, My name Varun Mani, it was great meeting you in Daharan (My second home) couple of years back – the only thing i could remember was strangely saying ‘God bless you’!!!
i guess i swept away naturally by your personality & efforts at promoting your personal DVD education kit… 😉
My mentor once told me to write down my top 5 priorities, so i wrote down
1. God
2. family
3. career
4. music
5. friends
and then he said give me a week of your time and I’ll tell you what they really are!
What a revelation. i guess I had written down what i wanted him to hear. Because he said your priority is music. He then told me what ever your CORE goal is all of your fringe goals or activities have to align with the CORE goal!!! Divide and conquer doesn’t apply to this principle. I appreciate your article because it reinforces this philosophy.
Hi Darren,
You’re an inspiration! No matter how busy I am, I read your articles. I wish I had heard of you much earlier!
You may not remember me. But you did shake hands with me in Vancouver in 2012. You asked the audiences to write their own jokes using the methods you just taught. I don’t know how I got the courage to walk on the stage and tell the joke in front of at least one hundred people (my first time ever!). Afterwards, you asked me: “how do you feel?” Thank you Darren, I feel great!.
I’m very proud of the first joke I wrote: I’m half Chinese and half American, which means I’m a money saver, but still broke!
Wish you all the best!
Thanks,
Nancy
Today I quit.
Today I take a step.
I quit on having to have all the answers before I start. I quit on being afraid
I take a step by sharing, by posting, by taking one thing at a time, by taking a risk sharing my point of view, by being vulnerable. I am quitting on procrastination.
Lately it feels like I am running around the mountain instead of climbing.
Thank you Darren for being such a great source of inspiration and motivation.
Hey Darren,
I absolutely love this article. It is truly an inspiration and all of your quotes and message seem to in tune with the changes and circumstances in my life. I thank you soo much for having the passion and drive to assist others with getting to theirs and I am truly thankful for meeting you in Grapevine, TX.
Thanks for everything and keep ’em coming.
Hello Darren,
Nice to read the article. And nice to know that I was the inspiration behind it.
Yes, letting go is important, and if you realize your heart is no more in it… quit and move on.
—
Shashank
While at my 30th reunion at Notre Dame 2 weeks ago, I attended a seminar led by David Anspaugh and Angelo Pizzo (Director & Screenwriter for the movie Rudy.) It was fascinating. I kept thinking of you because I know you are such a Rudy fan. One ot the things that stood out to me was that they had a heck of a time getting approval from Notre Dame to film the movie on campus. But these guys were so inspired by Rudy himself and his persistence that they didn’t give up. The university finally agreed, and the rest is history. I asked these two if they had to work as hard to convince Holy Cross College to agree to the filming, and they said “Are you kidding? Holy Cross thought it was GREAT publicity! A tiny school like that LOVED being in the limelight. In fact, after the movie, applications for enrollment increased 10-fold because guys thought it was a sure-fire way to eventually get into Notre Dame.” I thought it was so cool that although Rudy’s message of focus and persistence caused many people to try another possibly unlikely route to fulfill their dream. In a sense, they quit one path to pursue another.
Great post!
Darren;
I have been to numerous of your seminars. Each time I thank you for your gift. After reading this article, I am humbled. I have faced numerous health crisis this past year, and am now on my way back up. I will never be quite the same, but I will be better. Anyway, in the last week I have been on site coordinator for four different contract speaking companies, and the dream was reawakened. From all you and the Lady and other Champs have taught, and given; after watching these presenters I know I can do it. After reading your article today, I made two contacts for contract or educational seminar companies and am ready to once again pursue this. Thank you again. This article was a road sign like you talked about in one of your 17 minute post. God Bless and see you in February!!!
Darren, I don’t know if you remember me. We met on a cruise ship in 2007. I’m the guitarist and author. I’ve been reading your… uh… things, and I’m impressed. And talk about timing; I too am reading Syd’s book. I read one other by him. I’m mostly done with my screenplay. Just doing some edits.
I like what you had to say about quitting. It’s a challenge. I’m really trying to become a paid author. I’m selling one of mine on Amazon; it’s slow… but I reached a goal. On to the next one.
I’m still playing music, though locally; Tulsa.
Keep writing your “things” and I’ll keep reading them.
Randy
Howdy,
Great and inspiring piece! Sometimes it is the most mundane of habits and actions that slow us down every day and divert us from our goals. You asked what I am doing today. I have uploaded 5 videos to YouTube for my new website that is designed and ready to switch on. Later today I will write my first blog for the site, finish setting up the site email account and, I hope be ready to tell the world about my new speaking business. Thanks to you, Patricia Fripp, Craig Valentine and countless others for the inspiration to inspire.
My old friend, Gene Cernan says he got to the moon by standing on the shoulders of giants. Don’t we all?