It was 1998. I had been a Toastmaster for four years and was starting to get paid for my keynote speeches. I was sitting in my seat, eagerly awaiting the announcements of the Division Humorous Speech contest. I had worked hard on my speech. It was completely original, and I had gotten some great laughs.
The contest master said, “And the second-place winner is…Darren LaCroix.” I thought, “What? That means I didn’t win! Are you kidding me? Were the judges blind? Did they not see that the other contestant used a string of old jokes and just wove them together? That is not original. These contests are stupid. I’m boycotting speech contests!”
Have you ever reacted that way? I mean, not externally, but to yourself. We put on the smile to be polite, to not look ungrateful. Inside I was ungrateful and mad.
Needless to say, despite my personal boycotting of Toastmasters speech contests for a few years, they continued just fine without me. It’s funny to me now, but I was mad then. Before I could win like a champion, as a brilliant friend helped me realize, I had to learn to lose like one first. I truly had some growing up to do.
The biggest question for any competitor is, “Why are you competing?” In 1998 I was competing to win for my ego. I wanted validation. Though I had been doing stand-up comedy since 1992, I was still trying to prove my credibility in the speaking world. My why was shallow.
It is that time of year again when speech contestants compete worldwide for the World Championship of Public Speaking. For every speech contest that someone wins, obviously, the rest do not. Each person is on their own personal journey, dealing with their demons, naysayers, and encouragers. Their pasts and their mindsets can be challenging, especially when they deal with the emotions of winning and not winning.
Lance Miller, the 2005 World Champion of Public Speaking, is famous for winning the speech contest and for competing nine times and not making it past the club contest level by the very first round. Lance also made it to his District four times (4th level) and three times to the semifinals (5th level, then called the Regionals) before winning the contest.
Wondering how he felt about this subject, I asked Lance about his journey and how he had felt along the way. He has some brilliant insight. He said that in the early contests, he wasn’t winning enough because he wasn’t losing enough. Smart.
I know many speech contestants compete because they think it will launch their speaking careers. Well, it depends – not on the victory, but on what you learn about yourself. Many speech contestants have won it all and never turned it into a career. Some speech contestants made it to the World Stage finals and never won, yet they earn much more as professional speakers than I do. Lance said, and I concur, you learn much more from the speech contests you don’t win than the ones you do. Lance also says, “The opposite of winning is learning, not losing.”
In his famous “I Have a Dream” speech, Martin Luther King, Jr. said that he wants his children to be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. I love that line. Well, as a speech contestant, your true character is revealed more when you lose than when you win. Jim Key came in second in the speech contest in 2001 and again in 2002. He was classy and professional all the way, a true champion. In 2003 he won the World Championship. How do you lose? My first time was poorly.
My mindset was surely not that of a champion in 1998; it was just the opposite. I had lots to learn and much growing up to do. In one of Lance’s speech contests, an untrained timer failed to change the settings from an evaluation contest, so the timer was still set to three minutes instead of seven. Lance was the first speaker, and the red light came on three minutes into his speech. It messed him up. He readily admits that if he had been a champion then, it would not have bothered him.
Champions are ready for anything and do not have a victim mindset. It’s horrible to hear, “I would have won the contest if . . .” Ouch! One that makes me shake my head is, “Everyone in the room said that I should have won!” Well, I guess you did not speak to anyone who was a judge. I get it. They hurt. Their friends, who know how hard they worked and love them, were rooting for them. They are not subjective. Even if they are correct, it is up to the judges. I tell anyone who reaches out to me. “I understand. Here is a Coaching form we use. Wait two weeks and watch the recording while looking at this form and then come back to me and tell me what you think.” I’ve only ever had one person come back to me two weeks later, and he said, “Thanks, you were right.”
Speech contests are subjective; so is life. You can learn a lot about your life and mindset based on how you act and respond in a speech contest. Please, don’t email or text anyone when your emotions are high. If you are under the influence of your own emotions, you may say something you will regret in a week or two. The people who run speech contests are volunteers. They are people who deserve respect even if they make a mistake. Results are final. They cannot be overturned even if you are correct. People’s observations of how you act at that moment can’t be changed either.
In 1998 I did not understand that I could have protested. I had the right to, but not the confidence to do so. I would not have learned the lessons I needed to be a better speaker and person if I won that year. My ego would have been fed. Honestly, even if I had, I was coming from the place of a victim. Know the rules, and respect the rules. Know that everyone involved has their own interpretation of them, as well.
I suggest to speech contestants that they wait a week or two, go back and review the recording of their speech, and then look at how good the speech was. You might be shocked at what you see. You might even see what the judges saw that day. Lance says,
“It is going to be pretty hard to learn from my mistakes
if I’m unwilling to admit I’m making any.”
In 2005, Lance was competing to see if he was good enough to speak at the international level rather than to win. When I entered the speech contest in 2001, it was to improve my best stories for my professional keynote speech, not to win. My speaking and stories got better at every level. The pressure of the contest improved my skills forever. No one can take that away from you. It serves you for the rest of your life if your intention is for improvement rather than for a plastic trophy. Lance and I both had to lose a lot in order eventually to win. Notice how both of our why’s changed. Have a bigger why, and you’ll have a better outcome. If you want to win like a champion, first learn to lose like a champion.
If you just want a trophy badly, buy one. It will only cost you thirty-five dollars and it’s easier.
Can you lose like a Champion first?
Please share your comments below!
Great humble pie article.
Hi Darron,
What a great article you wrote here. To me the key line is this:
In 1998 I did not understand that I could have protested. Honestly, even if I had, I was coming from the place of a victim.
I made it to District in the speech evaluation contest in November 2014, and I got second place. The keynote speaker was Lance Miller, giving his speech about Losing My Way to the Championship. That really helped me to see that second is good, not bad! I’m slowly growing into the wisdom that you can learn even more by losing than you can by winning, if you are willing to ask yourself, “What could I have done better?”. Than you for writing this article. BTW Liza Richards also commented, and she’s a heck of a speaker! Best, Joe
Darren ~ the timing of this is absolutely perfect! I was focusing on this very concept this morning on my way to work. I was reminded of two things: something you said and something Dananjaya said.
You said in a Champions’ Edge call that dozens of people come up to you every year and tell you, “I am going to be the next World Champion.” But, never have you heard one person say, “I want to touch the hearts of an audience of 2,000.” WOW! That hit me like a ton! Time to check my motivation.
Last year, Dananjaya said that he won the contest after he STOPPED competing. Ton number 2!!! Time to check my motivation again.
This year the contest is not about some plastic trophy… it’s about the message. Thank you for challenging me to keep THAT in first place… instead of me.
Dear Darren:
I agree with you regarding the “why” we are competing. My friend, the late Bill Clennan said it this way and it holds true for whatever you are competing in:
“The contest lasts for moments,
Though the training’s taken years.
It wasn’t the winning alone,
That was work all the work and the tears.
The applause will be forgotten,
The prize will be misplaced.
But the long hard hours of practice
Will never be a waste.
Because in trying to win you build a skill,
You learn that winning depends on will.
You never grow by how much you ‘win.’
You only grow by how much you ‘put in.’
So in any new challenge you’ve just begun,
Put forth your best and you’ve already won!”
Thank you for sharing one of life’s greatest truths.
The glory is in the journey.
You are awesome.
I agree Darren. I have been able to get a message out so much further since my loss 2 years ago. I is so gratifying to have someone come up and say, “I needed to hear that….Thank you”
I couldn’t have understood that without you my friend!
Thanks!!
Great wisdom and support for all the contestants Darren, kudos to you as a CHAMP!
We connect with the audience by displaying the real parts of our personality…people gravitate to a sense of who they are…feeling a speakers authentic presence connects the energy…with a great message and some entertaining moments…positive results are achieved.
With the words of wisdom you have shared Darren, it so reflects the importance of personal growth. It is this part of the journey that brings the tests to see if we can accept, reflect and press forward with all of these little things we learn about ourselves as speakers….IT IS the bundle of these soul searching attributes that BRING THE KIND of presence to the stage in order to be properly heard, understood and respected as a professional speaker…AND THEN…we just might win! If not, I now find the success as great or greater…what goes on within us is what is most important, and this you have made clear to many, thank you.
Just think, its so awesome when you can surprise yourself and come back at dazzle on stage when others least expect it…this is the personal growth in action…and so much fun during the journey 😉
John Beck DTM
You teach us to be present or “in the moment” when we give a speech. It reminded me not stop after I step down from the stage. Every situation has a lesson–something we can glean. To be “in the moment” can include savoring life experiences that make us better people.
Be “in the moment” when you come to the end of a journey, and you realize you’ve given others a positive message.
Be “in the moment” and realize how much you’ve learned.
Be “in the moment” and enjoy the friends you’ve made throughout the process.
Be “in the moment” and be grateful for the character muscles you’ve developed.
Be “in the moment” and discover personal areas that may need improvement.
Be “in the moment” and give yourself a pat on the back for daring to try.
Well said Darren. There has been an interesting thread on the TI page about why compete in speech contests and every Toastmaster who as contributed to that page should read what you have written. I know I have been disappointed with second place finishes in Area and Division Contests but the disappointment has been more with myself for things I didn;t do well. The best way to improve on those things that didn’t go well is to keep on competing.
Thanks for that, Darren. I’m going through this experience this season, but with Table Topics.
I’ve spent 2 years working on my technique, going to improv classes, sifting out what I could apply and how, and got to represent my advanced club at area. You don’t even place in that club unless you are district standard because you are competing against previous district finalists at club level. So I knew that I was up to the task. I made it to district in that category when I only had my 4th CC speech behind me, and I have won every area level contest and gone to division. Usually kind of did my head in at division and lost at the mental game after the first district final – until I started improv classes.
And I know that I am now at the best I’ve ever been. If ever I was at a stage where I would get to up the odds at district, it would be this year.
Then the worst happened. And not even at district level, but AREA level. The worst question in the world that had me totally blank. 5 contestants HATED it and were reeling with it. But my improv training got me through, poised, and coming up with a response that was better than all but 3 previous contest replies. Though nowhere near the best that I am capable of doing now – that topic was extremely difficult for me to work with. But one contestant clicked with it and sailed to victory with a landslide. And I merely placed. It’s the first time I have EVER lost an area contest in that category.
I have NEVER been outstripped like that in this category. I merely placed. At area level!
I do have a bigger why underlying the reason I compete. Sometimes it can end up kind of muffled in the background instead of screaming loudly in the forefront.
I began competing in that category originally because it was the only category left for someone with an icebreaker to compete in, given the time of year that I joined (Humorous & Evaluation had already been held). I continued because I have a verbal short term memory deficit and absolutely need to develop impromptu to support prepared speaking…..and because in my heart I’m still a bit scared of the International (I kind of mentally shut down with that at one stage) and this is my ‘open your mouth, see the little aeroplane’ way of getting the skills without being overwhelmed. Eventually, I will be turning back to that again as soon as I am a bit more connected to my life’s message. And most of all, because when I do Table Topics and respond to the question in the moment, it connects with some deep down subconscious part of me that drags up the most important emotional things that I otherwise would miss, and that the mental censor usually dismisses. And it will be for me what Craig Valentine refers to as not writing your way into speaking. It’s there to help me find my message – which is where I am at, at the moment. So there are the whys that tend to fight for attention when I’m standing there staring at the contest chair.
Well, my message is finally starting to develop within me, and the loss this year has had me scrambling to find what other depths are there inside me. So I will continue on. I will make that District Champion in that category – of that I’m sure. It’s just disappointing that it won’t be this year.
Totally agree with this, Darren. I haven’t won it yet, of course, but not winning has taught me a lot – and to Win Anyway, of course. I’ll keep competing, but I’ll also keep speaking, regardless.
Yes I realised this in 2010 when I was not placed in the 2010 semis. Since then I have been unlearning what I had learned prior to 2010. You first need to lose gracefully before you can win like a true champion. I have since also realised that it never was about the trophy but the “process”. Some call it journey. It was a painful realisation, but I am Glad it dawned upon me. I competed after 5 years of unlearning and came In 2nd at Division. I knew I had won because I was at peace with myself despite coming in 2nd. I will try again knowing there will be a smile on my face and no monkey on my back.
Pradeep
Contest no 8
2010, Palm Desert
pkgobind@gmail.com
As Mr Miyagi says, “Win, Lose, No Matter”
Hi Darren,
Thanks for this article. I left TM and haven’t been back after not placing in an area contest about three years ago. I still feel slighted, but this article helps immensely. Maybe it is time to jump back in, because I do miss the thrill of delivering a great message.
Brad