You’re about to present at a conference, and you’re waiting your turn. Your mind is racing with the personal challenges in your life. You try to focus on helping the audience, but it is hard to remain present and keep your mind from drifting back to personal challenges. What do you do?
Have you ever felt depressed or actually had depression and still had to give an inspiring presentation? That is not only challenging; it can also feel inauthentic. When we are on stage, the audience expects us to be uplifting in some form or another.
No one wants to talk about it, and I won’t even venture to guess how often this is the experience in the speaking, presentation, and training world. It is probably much more prevalent than we think. I certainly do not have all the answers, but answers are not the point of this article. The point is to remind my platform brothers and sisters that they are not alone.
Whether your personal challenges are your family, a recent loss, or finances, dealing with them is a real part of what we do. Part of the problem is our own ego. Guilty. We all want to look good on stage. We are supposed to be the experts and have all of the answers. After all, aren’t people supposed to come to us for help? Let it go; you are human. Give what you have, and help people the best you can. Ground yourself, and set your intention. If you meditate, meditate. If you are a person of faith, pray.
If you are a professional speaker, filling live events, webinars, and scheduled bookings are what pay the bills. If you are not filling those, you are not paying the bills. Period.
In 2014 I made a big decision that would change the course of my life. While on a trip through the UK, I realized that new computers did not have a slot drive. No CD or DVD players built-in anymore. Most of my income came from physical product sales. Yikes! After I had this revelation, I went on a quest to find a way to teach people online. Although this seems obvious, there is much effort to convert everything you have into another format. I found a platform that I liked and created my Stage Time University. I was thinking that I could easily be generating the same business income within a year. Well, it has been over two years, and I was not there yet. I was not even halfway back. The bigger challenge was that although my income was cut in half, my expenses were not. That’s a problem that eventually catches up with you.
To compound my problem, I made a couple of big business mistakes that year as well. If you attended our Stage Time Live event that year, you know the content was top-notch. The guest speakers and coaches were brilliant. People who have been attending for years said that it was the best ever. The problem is that great content does not necessarily equal a profitable event.
If you were there, you probably also noticed that attendance was down. My bottom-line expenses for the event were the same last year with twice as many attendees, but I garnered much less income this year. The speakers were awesome, and people loved it; but I lost a great deal of money. It was a painful reminder that I had broken some of my own rules created from promoting past events. I know that I need to promote live events 6 months in advance, but because my focus was elsewhere, I had the registration page up only 2 months out. Bad Darren. Another mistake was assuming that Las Vegas hotels would be more negotiable during the hot summer months. Wrong again. I had thought that a better deal with the hotel would mean a much lower break-even point. Nope. Here is some truth I got in the mail:
So, what does this mean? The truth is I had to borrow money to pay my mortgage that month. I also received a lovely notice from the power company that I was just a few days away from having my power cut. You may not believe me, so I included a screenshot of my actual bill.
Being down and depressed affects us on stage and off stage and affects the people around us as well. People can tell us to pick our chins up, but our feelings can still be down. I’m not a depression expert and can’t say I was ever diagnosed with deep depression, but I feel like I have some experience. I had even been seeing a Christian counselor. There I said it. I admit it. We all need help now and then.
Do you want to know the funny part that makes me laugh? I’m scheduled to speak on Saturday in Las Vegas at a Happiness Conference. LOL. Life’s irony or God’s humor. But think about it. How can you talk about getting unstuck if you’ve never been stuck? Although it may be challenging, I’ll figure out a way to use this experience to help other people. After all, my blood type is B-Positive.
Let me be super clear. I’m down, but I’m not out. My intention in writing this article is not to have you feel bad for me. It is to let you know you are not alone. I have great friends who would do almost anything for me, and they have me covered emotionally and financially. Although my ego made me wait until the last possible minute, I had borrowed money, and now I’m currently on everything. I have kind and generous friends. Although I’m allergic to taking loans from friends, it is better than losing my house or not having AC in the desert. Even though I put on a happy face and loved the Stage Time Live! event, this picture shows how I felt inside at the time.
Here is something you should know. Every professional speaker friend I had confided in let me know their truth. Though I felt bad for their situations, I felt less alone. Everyone told me they had experienced this at one level or another, at one time or another. We have all lost or will lose a close family member or friend. You will still have to speak that month. Several told me they were struggling more than it appeared to the outside world as well. Wow, really? Yup. You and I are not alone. It made me think of some wisdom I got from an acting class I took decades ago. The instructor said, “Be nice to people on your way up because they are the same people you will run into on the way down.”
I know Stella had to get her groove back. You and I will also, even if we feel depressed. This business is not easy, and the climate constantly changes. We all need help, introverts and extroverts alike. We all need community, too. Sometimes I think we get these experiences so we have new fodder for material. I wish we didn’t, but we do! No one wants to learn from a perfect person. I love Patricia Fripp’s definition of a hero. She says,“A hero is an imperfect person striving to be heroic.” Are you?
What can you do about it? When you are feeling down, get help from friends, professionals, or both. Meeting planners don’t need to know about it, but it’s legal to ask for help, meditate and pray. Surround yourself with good people. Call your speaker friends, and ask for help. You may be surprised that they have a story to share that you can relate to. We are human.
That down feeling you have had? Remember it every time you speak. Why? Every time you speak, someone in your audience is dealing with an emotional challenge. Speak to them. Help them. Reach out to them with your heart. There are problems behind those eyes looking at you.
I sincerely hope this article helps you. I hope you know you are not alone. If you have not been bummed out or depressed when you had to speak, you will be at some time. Some of your downs may be lower than others. It’s probably safe to say someone else’s lows are lower than yours. Reach for help, ask for help, and know you are not alone. Maybe it’s easier for people with office jobs to go to work when they are down, but they also do not get the benefit of the speaker’s high when things are going great. We have chosen to be on stage. Remember, your show must go on; and, more importantly, someone in every audience needs you and your story.
Please share on this blog any stories, strategies, or help you can offer from your experiences.
Stage time,
Darren LaCroix, CSP, AS
World Champion of Public Speaking
- Get details about Stage Time University.com
- Get details about Stage Time Live!
Oh Darren,
Your honesty is very becoming…Many of us tried to do what you do and were unsuccessful (that’s a nice way of saying FAILED!”) lol
Recently Ryan Avery said F.A.I.L. Failure Always Inspires Leaders.
You are a born leader and entrepreneur, you will go to the next step and go on to inspire on how you overcame it…
I am once again, going to start another business and like you, I cannot stop myself from wanting to be independent and creative…
It’s impossible to hold us down…Take a breather, pray(oh yes, that works!) You will rise again…this I know for sure…
Luv ya Mr D!
Wow Darren! First of all, kudos to you for your honesty and transparency!
Second, you have no idea how many times I’ve allowed this very thing to hold me back from taking action, at certain times in my career.
This just gave me the confidence boost I needed to break through this wall.
Thank you ☺
Darren……Your honesty and integrity shine through in each of your articles. Your willingness to share the highs and lows of your life provide inspiration to each of us. Please know that your work is greatly appreciated, and serves as a wonderful resource for those of us fortunate enough to engage and, perhaps more importantly, inspire an audience with our stories.
“Whether your personal challenges are your family, a recent loss, or finances…” I dealt with all those plus more in Spring/Summer 2015. It was a game changing time for me, personally, and I tried to busy myself with work. One of the things that helped somewhat was thinking, as a Toastmaster, “This is gonna make a great speech someday!”
I recently applied to give a talk at a TEDx event about my recent experiences. Maybe my life stories will help someone else.
Darren,
Thank you for this honest article. I’m sure it was challenging to reveal so much. And if we have a job we still need to show up and give it our best no matter what’s going on in our life.
I am the kick off keynote for an association conference next month and my presentation hits right about where you are/were. I encourage people to create a way to survive the day and their challenges. I use a framework F.L.A.G. taken from the story of the Star Spangled Banner and its four verses.
Focus on what’s good around you and others you can help.
Lead the people around you because they’re looking for a leader.
Acknowledge your challenges (well done Darren!) and move forward.
Grow yourself to be a better leader and role model (books, video, seminars)
We will always have challenged and difficulties, it’s how we respond to them and what we learn from them that is most important.
Dear Darren.. You caught me on a “learning” day.. I’m trying to fit into a new to me Toastmasters club. Many younger members think I wan to change the club. I don’t want to change it, I want to share my many years of experience and leadership experience in TM. To expand the knowledge of what is possible at Toastmasters. I’m a very social person and fit in most places. In my district at conferences they call me the district mom…
Today an incident made me feel really outside the group.. Then our brand new club president, came up with a good compromise, that included me and the others too. I’m so proud of him!
What’s my point in answer to your confessions. Many of us look strong and all of us have stories of imperfection. We’re so human
Much warmth to you and your thank you for your timing.. You became beautiful to me today. Warmly Joanne
Darren,
You are such a class act. Being broke and hungry sucks!
Been there and it just might make a good story for not giving up. Hey I now have more material for my Keynote I am giving on the 19th. Woo Hoo see you do inspire and lift others even when you are down. You are a true gift. I know things will turn around for you.
Stay tuned. Thanks for keeping it real with us, and I am sending Positive thoughts and Prayers your way. Take care of Darren first, we can’t help others when we’re running on empty. Hope this fills you up just a bit.
Hey have a clearance sale this coming month and I know there are many of us out there that will help promote it.
Woo Hoo, Peace Love and Ciao for Now!
Rena
Dear Darren,
Very few times have I been speechless, but I’m totally dumbfounded. Just read this. I have known you since TI convention in Reno, 2004 and attended most champ camps in Canada and the US, since then. I watched you work so hard on the ship’s deck on GET PAID TO SPEAK binder at the 1st champ camp….your hard work and new ideas for products have always been acknowledged by all who know you. You are now added to my prayer list at home and next Sunday at church. Your kindness, generosity, industriousness and creativity will kick in again with the help of the One above.
Wow sooooo impressed with your honesty and humility also.
Take care, God bless
Kathryn xox
Wow! Darren thanks for your transparency. From your posts I’ve learned so much about the day-to-day challengess of public speaking. I’ve learned that it takes time and effort to show up and speak. Speakers don’t just magically appear. I’ve gotten insight into the preparation it takes to be a great speaker. Darren, thanks for all the information you post.
Hey Darren,
In true form, you have taken the transparency of struggle and transformed it into a map of reslience. It is always helpful to know that we are not alone. Thank you.
Hi Darren:
Your blog article is very impressive! It must not be easy, but your courage inspired me and made me feel stronger. It gave me a clear message that, “Get over your own little stress factors, there are many who have much tougher situations and they shake them off, be stronger and move on, why can’t you?”
I thank you for your humility, and generosity to help others by leveraging your own hardest times in a much effective way!
Darren,
I always learn from you. I too am struggling to get my business off the ground.
My first free webinar is scheduled for August 15, and I will be recording some products this week that I can offer for sale as “back of the room” items.
I just put Lady and the Champs on my calendar and I am determined to make enough money to arrive in style and give you a big hug.
You are my favorite speaking coach (please don’t tell Fripp, Tate, or Valentine as they have also helped me so much) and I know this Robert Shuler line is corny but true, “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” You are tough and your best days are still ahead of you. Keep striving!
Your Success Coach, Kathleen
Darren,
I first met you at a Regional TM conference in Winnipeg Canada in 2003. I love your honesty, and telling us the real deal, you always have. No doubt that you will rise and shine. I really wish we were closer friends so we could just pick up the phone and visit. I have been to many of your programs and own most everything you have created.
A few years back, you were involved in Financial Peace University and writing about it. I facilitated a course in my small town in South Dakota this year. The 9- week course has now lasted with our group still meeting every month for 7 months. I encourage you to get plugged back into FPU and the podcasts, or you tube (its on there) It works, and you had a great experience with it before. Get on every dollar.com FREE budget software 1.5 million users,with dave Ramsey and just pick up where you are now and work the baby steps again. You know you can rebound, other do it everyday. You are a shinning example and I am super glad that we have met several times. Pleas e-mail if necessary. God Bless
P.S now go listen to a podcast tonight! Thanks for all you do Darren.
Darren,
Thank you so much for sharing your recent challenges with us. As I embark on my speaking career, I must admit I am extremely nervous. Without your honesty and example of non-perfection, I probably would have waited too late to get started (I was planning to start in about two years). From the reactions of Kevin Burke and the panel when I asked about uncovering the humor in the subject of suicide, I was even more sure that this will be a challenging theme to present. But now I am even more sure that speaking about mental illness, depression and suicide prevention is the right way to go for my career. THANK YOU FOR SHARING your vulnerability and truth with all of us! (Maybe a new course around the “dark days” of public speaking and how to get through them?)
Okay, Darren, so here’s the honest-to-goodness truth. Every time Bob and I are about to do a marriage conference, we will be at each other’s throats the week before. I can guarantee you that we don’t plan it–but this is WAY beyond coincidence. We are in a battle, and Yes, prayer definitely is key to making it through. I’m praying for you. 🙂
Hey brother all I can say is thank you. You have been a blessing today.
Y.B.I.C
Darren,
Thanks for sharing what was likely VERY difficult to share.
It was timely because I was wallowing in the dumps over various work and life issues.
Your post somehow helped pull me out of the funk.
Although it may not pay your bills, know that you’ve made yourself more valuable by helping others.
Thanks again!
Very powerful, Darren. Very powerful.
I’ve read this column two times now, and will keep it handy for sometime to come.
I, too, am entering a tough phase. My industry is different–though I hope to add public speaking at some point–but my situation is probably similar in the level of emotional duress. I dread the thought of reaching out to people for financial assistance, but I know that day will come soon.
We online marketers hear all the time about how so-and-so went from near bankruptcy to financial independence. In fact, it seems as if every online marketer of any significance struggled substantially at one point. How they overcome their challenges forms who they are.
The old saying, “This, too, will pass,” has been running through my mind. I sure hope so. Like Darren, I want to claw my way out of this and enjoy a prosperous and comfortable life.
Thanks for sharing, Darren.
Your honesty is such a blessing!
Darren,
Thanks for your candor and openness. You have probably helped more people than you might know. I served as a a local license pastor for nine months, and one of my challenges was I felt isolated and lonely. Ultimately, that’s why I resigned. I needed to step back and take better care of my soul.
Hang in there, my friend!
Blessings,
Amy
Darren, I have always been impressed by your work and products. Now I am impressed by you the person. Your humility, confidence and deep connection to how many of us feel or have felt is startingly powerful.
Despite my admiration for the hosts, I have never felt compelled to attend Lady and the Champs. I feel different about that now. Anyone who can capture and reflect the indomitable human spirit as abundantly clear as you have in this article warrants a deeper look.
Fantastic story, thank you for sharing,
Hayward
My Dear Speaking Brother! I enjoyed this wonderful testimony with a smile in my heart, and chuckles of flashbacks (yes, that’s plural… LOL). Continue to share the reminder that we get paid to live our lives, and everything that happens becomes a lesson in compassion to share from the platform. Your energy has been helpful to me several times.
Ongoing thanks and blessings 🙂
Darren,
Perhaps the most important content you have ever shared.
Let me know how I can support you on your journey..Have been there, done that!
My best
Doug
i truly truly truly needed this. My gratitude is bottomless. I literally googled depressed motivational speaker and found you. I’m so appreciative.
Thank you Darren. Such a timely reminder that we ARE human. Sometimes I see EGO get in the way of being REAL. I’ve struggled at times with losing people and having to carry on. A couple of times I had to pull out, but that came down to my values and what my priorities were at the time.
So thank you again for sharing your truth. X
Darren,
I am a retired law enforcement officer. God called me to talk about a tragic incident I witnessed while on duty. Problem was that I was terrified of public speaking. I joined Toastmasters International in 2016. Since joining, I have given my speech September 9, 2012: The Day My Life Changed Forever. I am constantly reworking it but it is my mainstay/staple of my future speaking platforms. I want to take an improv class or two but there are no classes in the Melbourne FL area. I wish I could share my story with you sometime.
Kind regards,
Jeff
jeffrey.j.saputo@gmail.com
Darren,
Thank you for your honesty. I am a youth minister in a very large church. God surprised me when he “asked” me to do this job. I am an introvert and have a terrible fear of speaking in front of people. Last month I decided I needed to learn how to speak to the teens, to actually give a speech. We are always struggling financially and never seem to be able to get out from under debt. And of course Ministry doesn’t pay much. It does keep me on my knees and for that I am very grateful. It also keeps me very humble and humility is the path to holiness. Anyhow, since I could not afford to purchase anything, I watched every video on YoutTube that you have, prepared and prayed. The kids loved it! Said it was one of the best talks this year.(I usually bring in speakers)
I watched a lot of “speech” videos and yours is by far the best. You have a great gift to share. You are funny and get right to the point. Many youth ministers and pastors could learn a lot from you. Sharing the Gospel is about storytelling about the great Storyteller.
Well, hang in their and stay close to Him for our sufferings are what keeps us on the right path. He said take up your cup and follow me. We have to go to the Cross to get to the Resurrection! Romans 5:3-5
Thanks for sharing. Nice stuff
Darren,
This reminds me of one of John Kinde’s International Speeches I heard at the Division level.
He said, “Eight years ago my doctor looked at me solemnly and said, “I’m sorry to have to tell you, John, but you have Parkinson’s Disease.”
“As I sat there contemplating what I’d just heard, I thought, “Wow! This is going to make a GREAT International Speech!”
You are an inspiration, Darren. This will makes you a better speaker. I will hold you in my prayers.
TomK.
Teddy Roosevelt said it first, but TED top speaker Brene’ Brown has used that famous quote to help make the world know that Vulnerability, Authenticity & Shame can be a virtue when shared with others, most of whom have or one day will have, experienced such humility which, after all is what makes us human.
Thanks for sharing your own such experiences, Darren. It’s good to know and/or have verified, we are never alone in such journeys through life.
Hey, Darren, thanks for keeping it real and relatable. Last year my mom passed away. We were super close. In fact I often told humorous mama stories on stage. I was worried that I would never be funny again. 8 months later, after counseling and many prayers, I told a mama story on stage. Instead of sadness, I felt like she was right there with me. Just a few months prior I could not have done that. I was too deep in the valley. I still mourn her but I’m moving forward. Your post encourages me. Thank you.
You are a gifted writer and speaker. Thank you for writing this. I was feeling incredibly down today. Just wanted to crawl in a cave. But there are no caves in my house and it was very cold outside. So I called a friend instead. You are so right. Getting help, reaching out. It helps. And then the power went out. No kidding.
Thanks again for your candor. Refreshing and inspiring.
Darren,
Thanks for sharing. It just shows you are human like the rest of us. It gives us a peek behind the curtain on what it takes to make a living in your field and the many ups and downs both mentally and financially that comes with it. I give you a lot of credit for the mental fortitude it takes to stay with it. I am rooting for you!
Wow…unbelievable … thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability (even on a topic not commonly talked about), Darren.
Such an inspiring story & message … no one is ever truly alone … someone, somewhere, somehow is going through or has gone through a similar experience.
God bless & keep you in his loving care always.
Evelyn
Wow.. fascinating that an article you wrote so many years ago is so applicable to my current circumstances.
I’m so sorry to hear that you suffered so much..
I’m in a slump in the moment. I’ve dealt with a few losses in the last few months but kept going. But a recent disappointing incident placed me in a very vulnerable place and has caused me to lose my “joy”. It has affected my confidence and reignited my feeling of inadequacy.
Reading this article has given me hope and made me realize that it’s OK to take a step back but that I need to come back from my grief. Perhaps my ordeals can help others? Thank you for sharing Darren!! God bless you exponentially!
Thank you. Of course your ordeal can help others! That is my point. You rock and people need transparency, not people who only talk about their successes. I felt a nudge to re-release that article, like God saying,”Someone needs to hear this.” So, I published it again. I didn’t know who it was for, apparently it was for you and hopefully the other person who needs to hear it. Be strong. God’s got you! God Bless!
-Darren
Your honesty is one thing that makes you remarkable, Darren. When I hit a rough patch in life it will be stories like yours that will buoy my spirit and give me hope that things will improve. Thank you.
Thank you! When you share transparent truth, it resonates. As with volunteering when you are down, sharing your story lifts others up and gives them hope. When you give others hope and lifts yourself up. Keep telling your story, Marylou!
Hey Darren! So much I could say, but without turning this into a therapy session. Let’s just say I totally, totally relate. Thanks for sharing!
You are not alone…even though we all feel like we are. Keep helping people!
Darren
Darren, it is so true what you said. To be yourself and authentic so you can and will connect with the audience is the most important. Thank you for All your input in all you do (those beyond the curtains also).
Pieter,
Thank you, I sincerely appreciate the comment. Thanks for taking the time. I love helping people and if it means being transparent, I’m all in!